It's a big difference between being you and believing in your existence. The main difference is that being you it is like you as a mind and you as a body are a whole, something integrated, something unique, that act and think in the same way. But when you think that you exist, you create a difference between your body and your mind. Then you start to view the life from different angles, from angles that sometimes leave your body. You can go as far as differentiating between your body and your mind or simply you can go farther and create a virtual wall between your internal world and external world. When you believe that you are not a whole structure it’s easy to imagine that your body can hold multiple dimensional selves and soon you will loose yourself.
My perception of a girl is like the girl is some sort of goddess. Because you do not have to trouble gods with your thoughts, with your feelings, gods are only there to venerate and to sacrifice your feelings for them, I usually do nothing. But this is an artificial love, an artistic love, because there are not deep roots in this love.
To meet love you have to be opened to love. That means that you strongly have to believe that someone can love you, you strongly have to believe that you cannot live without someone. These assumptions are stupid but they are beautiful in their way. And this stupid, yet beautiful thing is love.
I know only a way to love: it’s the way of being attracted to someone and transforming the attraction into an obsession. I don't get rid of my obsessions easily. She was a brunette, she was beautiful in a kind of way and nothing was too special about her. That emphasize my beliefs that you're attracted to women that are most closely to your genetic branch. Therefore I believe that my DNA dictates me that brunettes are best fit for the sexual purpose and for the racial continuance of my species.
I swore to myself or promised as you like to say it, I’d change the way I am. I was catastrophic! People don't change and if they change it takes a life to do it.
When your world crashes into pieces and you're not upset about it then you don't really exist, you're a fabulous thing from tales. Remaining with nothing creates a very multidimensional sorrow, multidimensional pity, and multidimensional negativism. Then, the existence has nothing to offer. It was not a surprise I desynchronized from school. When world means nothing, school means even less.




